Let’s talk about what do we mean exactly by the word intimacy.
The simplest way to describe intimacy, the closeness of people in different relationships.
As time goes on in a relationship, this closeness — optimally, of course — will increase, but only if the parties care about each other. The time spent together becomes more and more comfortable.
We can also talk about emotional and physical closeness, or a mixture of those. However, it is important to clarify that intimacy is not the same as sex.
Of course, sex life can develop intimacy, but remember that there is sex without intimacy, and intimacy without sexuality.
On the other hand, intimacy is not to be interpreted exclusively in a romantic, male-female relationship. It can also be present in quite other types of human relationships, such as a friendship, parent-child relationship, siblings, and so on.
Close relationships can be close just because they involve intimacy.
Intimacy is interpreted by people in many ways.
Some people feel like they are close on a date with another, one is watching a movie together. The other side, on the other hand, waits for a walk after the film to hold their hands and feel the love. So the reason is that as many as we are, we experience a situation in so many different ways.
There are many factors that can affect who has the right quality of intimacy:
- Way of socialization
- Culture
- Religion
- Interests
- Communication style, etc.
It’s worth looking at different types of intimacy to figure out what intimacy means to us.
The categories are as follows:
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Emotional
It is a closeness that allows us to tell personal things to each other. Things we wouldn’t share with anyone, just people in the right vicinity. If emotional intimacy works well between two people, they like to spend time together because they find it relaxing.
They share thoughts with each other without the fear of judgment. -
Intellectual
It is a closeness where the parties allow each other to learn how their minds work. It requires the sharing of ideas, exchanges of ideas and brainstorming together. So, for example, common philosophizing, deep conversations can serve as sure signs.
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Physical
It means physical closeness in a relationship, this includes hugging, sexuality, kissing, handshaking. But as mentioned earlier, intimacy does not require fundamentally sexuality or romance. Embracing, kissing, and standing close to each other while communicating with our parents are also signs of physical intimacy. And the motives in a deep friendly relationship are similar.
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Experiential
Spending quality time with someone forms experiential intimacy. This means spending time pleasantly with exploiting areas of common interest. You don’t have to think about complicate things. A good example is watching a series that both parties like together, or an enjoyable board game.
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Spiritual
It can be shaped by a common approach to spirituality. If we also find harmony in our faith orientation, it can further deepen our closeness, on a spiritual level. What religion or belief is concerned is irrelevant in the present case. The common wavelength works independently.
The basic pillars of intimacy are:
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Trust
The ability to trust varies depending on previous traumas. Over the years, everyone is experiencing more and more trauma, and this is influencing the development of confidential relationships.
The fact is, however, that trust is needed to build an intimate relationship. If we trust someone, we are able to tell them about our fears, secrets, and desires. This expresses to the other party that we believe we are trustworthy, which helps him or her feel closer, and he or she is also able to open up. -
Acceptance
When you are aware that a person accepts you as you are, you can be sure that you are in an intimate relationship with each other. You are not ashamed of your musical tastes, your religious affiliation, your financial circumstances.
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Honesty
This is a key ingredient. Without honesty, there is no intimacy, since trust is a prerequisite for honesty. We can be honest only if we feel secure when we talk about our emotions.
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Safety
When we give our truest selves to the other and share our deepest feelings and thoughts. All this in emotional security because we are not afraid of judgment. At the beginning of a relationship, this obviously does not work yet, that’s not where the building of intimacy begins.
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Sympathy
Everyone feels good when the other cares and is empathetic to their life situation. Regular conversations with our siblings are important, for example, even when we live far apart. The constant interest in each other’s existence is a confirmation of care.
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Love
Your communication begins with a show of interest in each other. And interest is some form of attraction. This attraction does not necessarily have to be physically manifested. It can happen that a friend takes a day off to play sports together because he knows you want to lose weight.
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Communication
Proper communication helps build healthy relationships. When we listen to each other and tell each other our true feelings, it is possible to truly understand each other, bringing us even closer together.
This, of course, takes time, it doesn’t happen overnight.
Intimacy requires long work, perseverance, research, lowliness, and understanding.
It is a slow process where, although progress is continuous, it is often snail slow, other times spectacularly large steps can be taken. Yet it is worth the energy invested, because without it, human relationships are worthless.
There are many who are afraid of intimacy are actually afraid of disappointment.
Because in the recent or distant past, someone else has disappointed them and they don’t want to get hurt again.
This is, of course, a misbehavior, and consciously living people will recognize this sooner or later. Then they have the opportunity to change their attitude and look openly to the future.
It may happen that someone avoids social contacts for reasons unknown to themselves, withdrawing from joint programs.
These individuals often have low levels of self-esteem, have sexual problems, and have difficulty forming new relationships. They are advised to work with a therapist to help uncover and then unblock the blocks.
Our mental health is largely determined by the quality and quantity of intimacy present in our lives.
Our relationship with our close relatives, our relationship with our friends, and last but not least, the quality of our relationship greatly affects our well-being.
Even if we don’t have a relationship, our other human relationships can alleviate a sense of loneliness.
Here it is definitely worth mentioning the importance of our intimate relationship with ourselves.
In fact, when we are well with ourselves, we cannot feel loneliness, lack of feeling, or frustration simply because we are not living in a relationship.
In addition, of course, we do need our loved ones and nurture the relationships that are important to us. By the way, it is very good to experience our emotions if we can express them with a hug, a touch. This is when a lot of energy is released, as well as through laughter.
If we are already on the energies, let’s also look at the impact of intimacy on health.
It is an immune booster , antihypertensive, reduces the risk of heart disease and it is also the key to our mental health.
Anyone who has a hard time opening up to new people should definitely tell to the partner about it. This is a great help to him or her, because from now on he knows how to relate to the loved one. If there is confidence between the parties, they can talk about the exact reason of the fear.
And the next step is to express what the partie need from the partner to feel safe. Many times this does not go by itself, but requires the help of a professional. But let no one back away from this, there are countless therapeutic methods that can help to detect and process traumas in a personalized way.
